Transforming Thoughts that Promote Shame into Realistic Assessments About your Capacity

You might often find yourself trapped in a cycle of shame, feeling like you’re not enough because of broad, globalized thoughts about your identity. These thoughts can make you hard on yourself, feeding anxiety and a harsh inner-critic that never seems to rest. But what if you could shift your focus from these overwhelming, sweeping judgments to clear, realistic assessments of what you can actually do? This change can help you break free from shame and build a stronger, kinder relationship with yourself.

Understanding Globalized Thoughts and Their Impact

Globalized thoughts are sweeping statements you make about yourself based on limited experiences or feelings. For example, after making a mistake, you might think, “I always fail,” or “I’m a complete failure.” These thoughts lump your entire identity into one negative label. When you believe these, shame grows because you feel fundamentally flawed.

This kind of thinking fuels anxiety and strengthens your inner-critic, the voice inside that constantly judges and criticizes you. The inner-critic often exaggerates your faults and ignores your strengths. When you are hard on yourself, it becomes difficult to see your true capacity, which is the realistic measure of what you can do and achieve.

Why Shifting from Identity to Capacity Matters

When you focus on identity, you judge yourself as a whole person based on isolated incidents or feelings. This approach is unfair and inaccurate. Instead, focusing on capacity means looking at your skills, abilities, and potential in specific areas. This shift helps you:

• Reduce shame by separating your actions from your worth.

• Lower anxiety because you focus on what you can control.

• Quiet the inner-critic by challenging its exaggerated claims.

• Be kinder to yourself by recognizing your efforts and progress.

  
  

How to Turn Globalized Thoughts into Realistic Capacity Assessments

1. Notice When You’re Thinking in Globalized Terms

Start by catching yourself when you think in extremes. Pay attention to words like “always,” “never,” “completely,” or “totally” when you describe yourself. These words signal globalized thoughts.

Example:

Instead of “I’m terrible at everything,” notice the thought and say, “That’s a globalized thought.”

2. Challenge the Thought with Specific Evidence

Ask yourself: What exactly did I do? What happened in this situation? Look for facts, not feelings.

Example:

If you think, “I always fail,” recall specific times you succeeded or did well. Maybe you struggled with one task but handled others successfully.

3. Break Down Your Capacity into Manageable Parts

Identify specific skills or areas where you can measure your capacity. This might be your ability to communicate, solve problems, or manage emotions.

Example:

Instead of “I’m bad at everything,” say, “I find public speaking challenging, but I’m good at writing emails.”

4. Use Balanced Language

Replace harsh, judgmental words with neutral or positive ones. This helps reduce shame and anxiety.

• Replace “I’m a failure” with “I didn’t succeed this time.”

• Replace “I’m useless” with “I’m learning and improving.”

  
  

5. Practice Self-Compassion

When you catch yourself being hard on yourself, pause and offer kindness. Imagine what you would say to a friend in your situation.

Example:

“I’m feeling anxious and ashamed, but I’m doing my best. It’s okay to make mistakes.”

6. Keep a Capacity Journal

Write down your realistic assessments regularly. Note your strengths, progress, and areas for growth. This practice helps you see your capacity clearly over time.

Example Entry:

“Today I handled a difficult conversation calmly. I’m improving my communication skills.”

Practical Examples of Shifting Thoughts

• Before: “I’m terrible at my job; I can’t do anything right.”

• After: “I struggled with one project, but I completed others successfully. I’m learning how to improve.”

  
  

• Before: “I’m a bad friend because I forgot to call.”

• After: “I forgot to call once, but I usually stay in touch. I can set reminders to help.”

  
  

• Before: “I’m always anxious and weak.”

• After: “I feel anxious sometimes, but I’ve managed anxiety before and can use coping strategies.”

  
  

How This Shift Helps in Therapy

Therapy often focuses on identifying and changing unhelpful thoughts. By turning globalized, shame-promoting thoughts into realistic capacity assessments, you gain clearer insight into your strengths and challenges. This clarity reduces the power of the inner-critic and lowers anxiety.

Your therapist can guide you in practicing this shift, helping you become less hard on yourself and more accepting of your journey. Over time, this approach builds resilience and self-confidence.

Tips to Maintain This New Perspective

• Pause before reacting to negative thoughts. Give yourself a moment to question them.

• Use reminders or affirmations that focus on your capacity, like “I am capable of learning.”

• Share your progress with a trusted person or therapist to reinforce positive changes.

• Celebrate small wins to build confidence and reduce shame.

• Practice mindfulness to stay present and observe your thoughts without judgment.